Relationship counselling — for the two of you, or just for you.

Most couples don't argue about the thing they're arguing about. Underneath the row about dishes or diaries is usually a protest: 'Do I matter to you? Can I reach you when I need you?' Emotionally Focused Therapy calls this the negative cycle — pursue-withdraw, criticise-defend, blame-shutdown — and it runs on autopilot once trust feels shaky. Naming the cycle, rather than the content of the fight, is often the first real relief couples feel in therapy.

Individual work on relationships matters just as much. Many people come alone — because a partner isn't ready, because the relationship has ended, or because they keep meeting the same dynamic with different people. Attachment patterns formed early in life (anxious, avoidant, secure) shape how safe closeness feels, and therapy helps you notice your own part of the pattern without shame.

Trust ruptures — an affair, a lie, a long withdrawal — don't heal on a timetable. They usually need a structured process: understanding what happened and why, allowing the hurt partner's reactions without rushing them, and slowly rebuilding predictability through small, kept promises. Gottman's research on 'repair attempts' shows that how couples recover from a rupture matters more than whether ruptures happen at all.

Relationships also change shape at life stages — new parents, empty nesters, blended families, long-distance stretches — and the skills that worked at one stage can stop working at the next. Good relationship therapy isn't about being told who's right; it's about building a shared way of talking about hard things so the relationship can keep adapting. Important safety note: couples counselling is not appropriate where there is ongoing domestic abuse — if this applies to you, individual support and specialist domestic abuse services are safer and more suitable starting points, and your therapist can help you find them.