Attachment Styles Explained: The Four Types and Whether They Can Change

Attachment styles are patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving in close relationships that usually form in early childhood and continue to shape adult relationships. Most people are described as having one of four styles: secure, anxious, avoidant or disorganised (sometimes called fearful-avoidant). They influence how comfortable you feel with closeness, how you handle conflict, and how you respond when a relationship feels uncertain. [1,2]

If you have ever wondered why you cling when a partner goes quiet, or why closeness makes you want to pull away, attachment theory can offer a useful map. It is not a label to diagnose yourself or someone else with, but a way of noticing patterns that might be worth understanding better, including with a therapist's help.

Where attachment styles come from

Attachment theory began with the psychiatrist John Bowlby, who argued that humans are born with a built-in need to seek closeness and protection from a caregiver, especially when distressed or frightened. He described this as a lasting psychological connection that shapes a child's sense of whether the world is safe and whether other people can be relied upon. [1]

The psychologist Mary Ainsworth built on this with a famous observational study known as the "Strange Situation", in which researchers watched how young children responded when briefly separated from, and then reunited with, a caregiver. From these observations, she identified distinct patterns of attachment behaviour in children, which later researchers extended into adulthood. [2,3]

Attachment styles tend to develop from the consistency and responsiveness of early caregiving.

• Consistent, attuned care, where a caregiver generally notices and responds to a child's needs, tends to be associated with secure attachment.
• Inconsistent or unpredictable care, where a caregiver is sometimes available and sometimes not, is linked with anxious attachment.
• Emotionally distant or dismissive care, where a child's bids for comfort are regularly ignored or discouraged, is linked with avoidant attachment.
• Frightening, chaotic or frightened caregiving, including experiences of trauma or abuse, is linked with disorganised attachment. [1,2]

It is worth saying clearly that this is about patterns of care, not a verdict on any individual parent. Many factors shape a child's attachment, including temperament, wider family circumstances, and support available to caregivers. Attachment style is also not fixed by biology alone; it reflects a relationship, and relationships can look different with different people. [3]

If early experiences such as these feel connected to difficulties you are facing now, trauma therapy can offer a space to process them at your own pace.

The four attachment styles in adults

Adult attachment researchers typically describe attachment along two dimensions: anxiety (how worried you are about rejection or abandonment) and avoidance (how uncomfortable you are with closeness and dependence). Combining these dimensions gives the four broad styles below. Most people will recognise themselves a little in more than one, and many sit somewhere in between rather than fitting neatly into a single box. [3,4]

Secure attachment

People with a secure attachment style tend to feel reasonably comfortable both with closeness and with independence. They can ask for support without excessive worry, and can give their partner space without feeling threatened. When conflict happens, they are generally able to talk about it directly rather than withdrawing or escalating. Secure attachment is associated with lower anxiety and lower avoidance in close relationships. [3,4]

Anxious attachment

Anxious attachment (sometimes called preoccupied) is marked by a strong desire for closeness alongside a persistent worry about whether it will last. This can show up as needing frequent reassurance, reading a lot into a delayed reply, or feeling panicked by small signs of distance. Underneath this is often a fear of being left or not being enough, which can make a partner's ordinary need for space feel like rejection. [3,4]

Avoidant attachment

Avoidant attachment (sometimes called dismissive-avoidant) tends to involve discomfort with emotional closeness and a strong preference for independence. People with this style may value self-reliance highly, find it hard to ask for help, and sometimes withdraw just as a relationship starts to deepen. This is not usually about not caring; it is often a learned way of managing feelings that once felt safer kept at a distance. [3,4]

Disorganised attachment

Disorganised attachment (sometimes called fearful-avoidant) combines a wish for closeness with a fear of it, often because closeness in the past was linked with hurt, unpredictability or fear. This can look like pulling a partner close and then pushing them away, or feeling simultaneously drawn to and frightened by intimacy. Disorganised attachment is more commonly associated with earlier experiences of trauma or frightening caregiving, and research has linked it with difficulties regulating emotions and, in some cases, controlling behaviour within relationships. [5]

How attachment style shows up in adult relationships

Attachment style does not only affect romantic partnerships; it can shape friendships, family relationships and even how someone relates to a therapist. In romantic relationships specifically, research consistently finds that attachment anxiety and avoidance are associated with how people think, feel and behave under relationship stress. [4]

• People higher in attachment anxiety often seek more reassurance during conflict and may interpret ambiguous situations as threatening to the relationship.
• People higher in attachment avoidance often withdraw during conflict, minimise their own need for support, and may distance themselves emotionally or physically when a partner seeks closeness.
• Two insecure styles can interact in ways that amplify each other, for example one partner pursuing closeness while the other withdraws, which can leave both people feeling unheard. [4]
• A UK study of adults in romantic relationships found links between insecure attachment, particularly disorganised attachment, and controlling behaviours within relationships, underlining why understanding these patterns matters for relationship wellbeing, not just individual comfort. [5]

Recognising your own pattern, and perhaps your partner's, is not about assigning blame. It is often the first step towards communicating differently and interrupting cycles that otherwise feel automatic. If attachment patterns are affecting a relationship you are in, relationship counselling can help you both understand what is happening and try different ways of responding.

Can attachment style change

Many people ask whether an attachment style formed in childhood is permanent. The honest answer is that it can be fairly stable, but it is not fixed, and change is possible for many people.

Longitudinal research suggests attachment security shows moderate stability over time, particularly when early patterns are reinforced by similar experiences later in life. A review by the attachment researcher Chris Fraley found that attachment-related representations formed early tend to persist to some extent, while still allowing for change when someone has new, corrective relational experiences. [6] Other long-term studies of adults have also found meaningful stability in attachment style over several years, alongside evidence that life events and new relationships can shift it. [7]

Things that are commonly associated with movement towards more secure attachment include:

• A stable, emotionally responsive romantic relationship or close friendship over time.
• Increased self-understanding, including recognising your own patterns and triggers.
• Therapy that focuses on relationships and emotional processing, rather than symptoms alone.
• Consistently practising new ways of communicating needs and tolerating closeness or independence.

This is sometimes referred to as moving towards "earned security": not having had a securely attached childhood, but developing a more secure way of relating as an adult through supportive relationships and reflection. Change tends to be gradual rather than sudden, and setbacks along the way are normal.

Does therapy help with attachment patterns

Therapy is one of the more consistently researched ways of working with attachment patterns, partly because the relationship between client and therapist can itself become a place to notice and try out new ways of relating.

A meta-analysis of 36 studies and over 3,000 clients found that clients with more secure attachment before starting therapy tended to have better outcomes, and that improvements in attachment security during treatment were linked with better results overall. This suggests attachment security itself can shift within the course of therapy, not just stay static. [8] Other reviews describe how a therapist can act as a stable, attuned presence, sometimes described as a "secure base", which can be especially valuable for people whose early relationships lacked that consistency. [9]

This does not mean therapy works the same way for everyone or guarantees a particular outcome. Different approaches, including psychodynamic, integrative and schema-based therapies, pay attention to attachment in different ways, and a good therapist will tailor this to you rather than applying a fixed formula. If patterns like anxiety about abandonment, difficulty trusting others, or feeling overwhelmed by closeness are affecting your life, it may help to talk to a professional. Our anxiety therapy and self-worth and self-esteem pages explain related areas therapy can support, and our free Do I need therapy? check can help you think through next steps.

Frequently asked questions

What are the four attachment styles

The four commonly described attachment styles are secure, anxious (preoccupied), avoidant (dismissive-avoidant) and disorganised (fearful-avoidant). They describe general patterns in how comfortable someone is with closeness and how they respond to perceived threats to a relationship, rather than fixed categories everyone fits perfectly. [3,4]

What causes an anxious or avoidant attachment style

These styles are generally understood to develop from the consistency of early caregiving. Anxious attachment is often linked with inconsistent or unpredictable care, where comfort was sometimes available and sometimes not. Avoidant attachment is often linked with care that was emotionally distant or discouraged expressions of need. Later relationships and experiences can also reinforce or soften these patterns. [1,2]

Can you have more than one attachment style

Yes. Many people show a blend, and attachment can also vary somewhat between relationships, for example feeling more secure with a close friend than with a romantic partner. Researchers increasingly think of attachment anxiety and avoidance as dimensions rather than entirely separate boxes, so most people sit somewhere along a spectrum. [3,4]

How do I know my attachment style

There is no single quiz that can diagnose your attachment style, and online tests should be treated as a starting point for reflection rather than a definitive answer. Noticing your patterns in close relationships, for example how you respond to conflict or distance, and discussing this with a therapist, tends to give a more useful and accurate picture than a self-test alone.

Is disorganised attachment the same as a mental health condition

No. Disorganised attachment is a relational pattern, not a diagnosis. It is more common among people who experienced frightening, chaotic or traumatic caregiving, and it can overlap with difficulties such as trauma responses, but having this pattern does not mean someone has a specific mental health condition. If past experiences feel unresolved, trauma therapy may be worth exploring with a professional.

Key takeaways

• Attachment styles are patterns of relating that usually form in early childhood through the consistency of caregiving, and continue to influence adult relationships. [1,2]
• The four commonly described styles are secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised; most people show elements of more than one. [3,4]
• Insecure attachment styles can shape how people handle closeness, conflict and reassurance in romantic relationships, friendships and family life. [4,5]
• Attachment style can be moderately stable over time, but it is not fixed, and many people move towards greater security through supportive relationships and reflection. [6,7]
• Therapy can support change in attachment patterns, partly through the therapeutic relationship itself acting as a stable, attuned presence. [8,9]

Support from MySafeTherapy

Understanding your attachment style can bring relief, but it can also raise difficult questions about your childhood, past relationships or current patterns that feel hard to shift alone. You do not need to have it all figured out before reaching out for support.

At MySafeTherapy, our BACP, UKCP and NCPS registered therapists can help you explore these patterns at a pace that feels right for you, whether that is understanding where a pattern comes from or working out how to respond differently in a relationship that matters to you now.

This article provides general information and does not replace an individual assessment. MySafeTherapy is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis, call 999 or NHS 111, or text SHOUT to 85258.

Sources

[1] NSPCC Learning. Attachment and child development

[2] Avon and Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust. Attachment difficulties

[3] Shaver and Mikulincer. Theory and Research on Attachment Processes in Adulthood

[4] Simpson and Rholes 2017. Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships

[5] Gilbert and Blakey 2021. Exploring How UK Adults' Attachment Style in Romantic Relationships Affects Engagement in Controlling Behaviours

[6] Fraley 2002. Attachment Stability From Infancy to Adulthood: Meta-Analysis and Dynamic Modeling of Developmental Mechanisms

[7] Kirkpatrick and Hazan 1994. Attachment styles and close relationships: A four-year prospective study

[8] Levy, Kivity, Johnson and Gooch 2019. Adult attachment as a predictor and moderator of psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analysis

[9] BACP CPD hub+. Attachment